A Smoky Stream of Consciousness

It’s human nature that the more someone tells a man not do something that he’ll do it even more. And the more someone tries to take away something from you, you want it – crave it even more.

350711_f260Cigar smoking. It’s one of the most enjoyable pastimes I have ever experienced in my life. Yeah, yeah, they say it’s not good for you – who ever the hell “they” might be. But please tell me what exactly is good for you? Okay, spinach is good for you…right? Popeye kicked some serious Blutonian ass when he ate his spinach. It’s a dark green veggie loaded with vitamins and cancer fighting antioxidants. But did you know that spinach is highly acidic and throws off the ph balance of acid and alkaline in your body? So guess what? Too much spinach is no good for you. How’s that, Dr. Ozfest? You need to eat spinach in moderation.

popeye-spinachOkay, before I lose you, let’s get back to the fact that nothing is then really good for you. Definitely too much of something is never good. Anything taken to excess isn’t wise. Moderation has always been prudent. So how about smoking cigars in moderation? Yeah, yeah, risk of disease, yada, yada, yada. Breathe city air or drink the water and the list of fatal contaminants dwarfs that of the impurities in a cigar. Damn, I mean a cigar is a natural grown product with no chemical additives. And they smell damned nice, don’t they? Okay, don’t ask my wife that.

I have read over and over that many physicians feel that the relaxation that the act of smoking brings a person, far outweighs the possible physical dangers, when done in moderation. I believe that. But the question is: What is moderation? All right…there’s no scientific data or concrete evidence, but I do know that Sigmund Freud, Thomas Edison, JP Morgan, Milton Berle, Groucho Marx, George Burns, Rudyard Kipling, and Winston Churchill smoked between ten to twenty cigars a day, and all of those dudes lived to be very old sons of bitches. Yeah, they must have stunk like a garbage fire, but they all lived to ripe old ages and had very productive lives might I add.

churchill_cigarI love cigar smoking and chances are that if you’re reading this, then you have fallen in love with it too. Kipling’s poem The Betrothed is about him choosing between his precious Habanas and the women he so loved. It was no contest, as the smokes from the Isle de Cuba won, hands down. In all my years I have never seen such passion as the unmitigated love that the cigar smoker has for his tobacco happy sticks. And this is why we are defiant to those who want to limit us, tax us, and take away the adult pleasure that we have fallen head over heels for. This is why we get all pissy when the smoke Nazis raise their evil “I know what’s best for you” heads. We don’t like to be “told” not to do something that we love, and god damn you if you dare try to take it away.

elin-nordegren tiger  woods wife picture[2]What’s my point in all of this? Well, it’s kind of an interesting post today as I had no clue of what to write and did the “stream of consciousness” thing. I literally just put my hands in front of the keyboard and let the fingers fly. I actually wanted to talk about that daredevil driving, Tiger Woods. When I heard that his mishap was not alcohol related, I told my wife that the only other possible thing that could cause the dude to act with such bizarre and erratic behavior, is that he had to get in a fight with his hot blonde Swedish honey. And of course, now the rumors are flying about Woods and another woman. Just goes to prove that no matter how gorgeous a woman might Nordegrenbe, a guy always wants to tap something else. Remember, don’t tell a man he can’t have something. So then I ask, wouldn’t a little extra curricular nookie – in moderation – be good for a guy? Hey, I won’t argue… but what would one consider moderation?

Okay, I just opened up a can of worms, Pandora’s Box, and stirred a big pile of Shinola all in one fell swoop. I think the lesson in all of this is: Don’t f@#k with my cigars. I’m damned serious. They’re better than sex for many of us and have replaced that one-time physical activity in our lives. Kipling had it right. And I think Tiger’s onto something. All right, it’s a small spinach salad for me with a Honduran appetizer and a Nicaraguan maduro for dessert. Although I do admit the Swedish meatballs sound pretty inviting.

What in the hell did I just write? Don’t ask. Just shut up and light your cigar.

Tommy Z.

JR CIGARS Blog With the ZMan

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