To ALL of My My Most Concerned Peeps…
Yes, blogging was in my blood. Every day I diligently prepared and wrote the words from my heart that entertained you all. But alas, I am down to once a week and eating bon bons and purchasing Billy Mayes products from infomercials has become my new regimen. I have gained 137 pounds in the past three weeks, I shower, well, when it rains I walk naked on the lawn in a pair of borrowed crocs, and my clothes could probably walk away on their own by now. My kids keep asking who the Jaba the Hut with a beard is in the house, and want to know where their once fun loving, stogie sucking daddy went.
Each morning I surf the internet news sites, but there’s no venue for me to write my findings. I’ve smoked some great cigars, but there’s none of you to share it with – until the following Monday, where everything has become old news by then. There is rumor that I have adopted lots of cats. I won’t say if it’s true or not, but how do you suppose all of these little meowing f@#ckers are gonna get fed? On love? I think not. And I’ve developed a seriously bad case of furballs. Guess I should shave, then.
Hey now… OK, I’ve got one for you and it’s a real doozer… get a load of this… President Obama is making fun of retarded people! Yeah, I swear to God. Seems he was on Jay Leno and was talking about his lack of bowling skills and… oh… that was almost a week ago, you say? Damn.
Well, okay… this is gonna blow your heads off…many of the people at the AIG company were given massive bonuses after AIG received bail out money from… uh… whatta you mean - you heard that one too? Ah damn, this has turned into an almanac instead of a timely blog, for crissakes. I guess you heard about the Berlin Wall, thingy? Which means that you probably know that Mets won in ’69, then? Damn it to hell, somebody fetch me a bob bon, on the double!
Well, one thing is for certain, I still love cigars! Do you guys still smoke cigars? I mean, it seems a lot can change in seven days and I was only wondering, you know. Did Garfiend ever get his meds? Gosh, I hope the crazy blow-hole is okay. Did the Lions ever finally win a game? Is it true about this SCHIP bill, thing? I really think it’s time to pull the troops from Vietman and gosh, that poor f@#kin’ Amelia Earhart. Tough break.
And all of you quit yer yapping about the blog going up late. It ain’t late cuz you’ve got a whole seven damned days to read it. Plus, I have my crossing guard duties ‘til 11am. So, I look like a woolly mammoth in an orange vest. At least the kiddies are safe under my watchful and smokey eyes. Of course I’ve been reported for hitting on the moms several times, but they’ll come around… maybe once I shower.
Thank you all for your comments of concern. Next week I’ve got big news about this apparent moon landing thing. Wow, I just found half a roast beef sandwich from a month ago! Today I am livin’ large, my brothers!
I Love You All,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog Thingy With Me, I Think
