Making Pigs of Ourselves

pig-kisserwegwegJesus H Christmas… the Swine Flu. God damn it to hell, Swing friggin flu! What the hell, man? We’ve got all this annoying crapolla going on in the world and some pig has to f the world up with his stinkin’ hogged out germs. I mean, how much do you hate this shit? Our economy sucks a like Hoover and now this god forsaken pig virus comes along and pisses on our already turned over apple cart.

Son of a Bitch.

mexicobabeI am just not up for a world-crippling pandemic… are you? Come on, I lose 80% of the blog, my favorite hockey team goes down in a heap of flames, David Hasselhoff is stinking drunk and passed out again, and now THIS. It’s in 30 states and 19 countries and the TV news just won’t shut the f@#k up about it. Please, news people, just shut the f@#k up about Swine Flu.  I’m not kidding. Go back to telling us about rapes, murders, and fetuses found in dumpsters behind schools, yada, yada, yada.

TV news people are in their friggin glory all day long telling us about this new evil to invade the earth. Wow, they love it. Swine Flu is all the rage and it’s great for ratings. I swear the media invented this thing just to kick some ass during sweeps week. I noticed that just as Conan Obrien is about to take over the coveted Tonight Show spot, this dreaded pox magically appears out of nowhere. That’s an interesting connection, although far reaching, I do admit.


mexican-wrestling-9Okay, I know I’m rambling (shit, I hope that’s not one of the symptoms.) Listen, I know it’s serious, and I know it’s potentially deadly, but if we think about this and continue to be reminded of it all day long, we’re all going to turn into spineless jellyfish and collapse under the weight of out own stress levels. Hey news drones, I’m not fooling around here, talk about something else… gimme the weather, the sports, the produce report, anything, just stop the sensationalism for just three minutes, would you for crissakes?

estrada-smRemember the West Nile virus? That was supposed to wipe us off the face of the planet. What the hell happened there? What a bogus pandemic wannabee that was, huh? Oooooo, mosquitos bite some sick birds then bite a human or two and the world is eating Soilent Green before you know it. (I have no idea what that really meant, but it seems to fill up space quite nicely.)

This new strain of hell started in Mexico and it’s just another bad rap for our south of the border neighbors. You send us watered down cerveza, masked wrestlers, Taco stinkin’ Bell, and now this? And I’ve gotta think that anybody trying to cross the border is gonna feel the wrath of U.S. Marshalls, real bad. Thanx a ton, Pedro… you sent us Erik Estrada, and now a pig flu? (What, Estarda’s Puerto Rican? Well, he’s all I could think of. Besides, Carlos Mencia isn’t really Mexican either.) What’s the point I’m trying to make? I can’t remember for the life of me.

priscila_300300All I know is that I don’t need no stinkin’ Swine Flu and I don’t want to hear about this, 24/7. No more. Stop with the Swine. Stop with the Chicken Little Doom and gloom. I’m not being cavalier about this, I’m just not going to succumb to the fear mongering of the journalists who have conveniently forgotten that there’s anything else to talk about. I’ll bet there’s a good ten confirmed cases of ass itch in New Jersey right about now, but you don’t see Wolf Blitzer getting all lathered up about that, do ya?

Caution, education, prevention… that’s all good and necessary. But stop getting people like my neurotic Italian mother all f@#ked up and saying stupid shit like, ‘President Obama has to fix this Swine Flu, thing. And I like his wife’s shoes.” Mom, STOP IT right now! You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about and I’m sure you’re missing a good soap opera or something.

My advice to you all…keep smoking premium hand rolled cigars and just say NO to the Swine Flu. You’ll be the healthier person for it.

Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

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