Please…Somebody… Make it Go Away…

It is always hard for the regular everyday, working stiffs like us to understand the mindset of the wackos in Hollywood, and the media that covers the “beautiful people” on a daily basis. You see some of these talentless slugs and media creations and wonder why they are so adorned, and better yet – why the hell they make millions of dollars a year.

SJP01This weekend I was in a CVS store, scoping out the magazines, and the covers are usually a pretty good indication of who Hollyweird thinks is hot. First off, it befuddles the mind to great lengths that I found Sarah madonna_plastic_surgery3Jessica Parker on the cover of two prominent magazines this month, one being GLAMOUR. If there was ever something that fell under the “Goddamnit, I don’t get it” category, it’s the media’s portrayal of this woman as the pinnacle of charisma and romantic style in our society. Okay, I admit that this is just plain old mean…  the god’s honest truth, though… but that woman is one seriously hideous beast. Every time I see that long face and protruding beak I want to feed the bitch a sugar cube and send her out to plow the fields. The big star of Sex in the City is one of the unsexiest chicks I have ever seen and even Maxim Magazine voted her number one in that terribly offensive category. Madonna also appeared very high on that list and for good reason. Oofah. What the hell do the so-called beauty experts see that make us regular folk want to hurl our Chalupas?

jon-gosselin-smokingThen there’s the infamous Jon & Kate fiasco that still dominates the media rags. Okay, she’s not bad to look at, but HE is a roaring turd whose 15 minutes of fame is so log overdue to be snuffed out. This blow-hole keeps saying it’s time to grow up, but it’s his immature, fifth grade antics that have slaughtered the golden goose. Supposedly the show has ended because Jon the jackass doesn’t want his kiddies on camera anymore because it’s “bad” for them. Funny how he came up with that deduction “after” the network tossed his sorry ass off the show. So why are these people still I the magazine aisle? Because America needs serious help, that’s why.

oprahSay, did you know that Oprah is a fattie, again? The mag covers don’t lie, as the Queen of all TV has been dipping into the Little Debbies once more. She’s goes from rail to whale so much that her mirror-mirror on the wall must be awfully confused after all these years. Just what the hell does this hog-jowled harpie have to say that is so important? Why do woman mindlessly follow her like lemmings of a rocky cliff? Her show is going to end, but now the ruler of mindless house fraus everywhere will have her own network of estrogen based programming. “I don’t get the Oprah Effect and I will NEVER get it,” is truly an understatement of massive proportions.

JillianNow a person that is getting her 15 minutes is Jillian Michaels from the Biggest loser. She’s got a chick’s tight body and a harsh and hideous man-face. She’s far from beautiful and she’s not a licensed anything, but she’s now lecturing on PBS about woman’s health.

Hannah Montana … please somebody make it stop. Please somebody tell her achy-breaky daddy to stop force-feeding his over acting, no talent, media creation down our children’s gullible little throats.

Michael Jackson – STILL on one out of every three covers and each photo is scarier than the next. Let this guy die in peace for crissakes. He obviously led a tortured life and the media continues to serve him up from the grave.

AlGoreI saw Al Gore-knob on one of the rags talking about the movie 2012. After all, he is the purveyor of doom as he force-feeds his greens to the Prius driving believers of the apocalypse. If ever someone is full of super charged Shinola, it’s uncle Al and his cottage industry of ozone death and destruction. Remember, the big guy gets like a quarter mil to speak for a half an hour. Do you blame him for believing in his own fecal fallacy?

Damn, enough is enough. I don’t get it, you don’t get it, and none of us regular folk will never really get it. But the reality swill will continue to rear it’s ugly keester as long as Chloe Kardashian, and Jessica Simpson continue to do seriously stupid shit in their lives. And, did Sarah Palin leave the room yet? Lord, help us all.

The answer… snip, light, and smoke your favorite cigar. Having your head in a cloud of smoke is better than having it up your ash, like the American drivel drinking public.

Thank you, and may God bless,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

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