Timely Tidbits to Dwell On…
Eddie Baby, You Lucky Bastid…
You know, there’s that old expression that “some people have all the luck.” Well meet 47 year-old, Ed Williams. Last September he played a scratch-off lottery ticket and won $75, 000. Cool, right? Well, just a few days ago, Eddie baby matched all the winning numbers in the super Kansas Cash game and won again – but this time for nearly $900,000! God dayum, Edward! Some people can’t even come close to winning an umbrella at a golf outing, and this son of a bitch cleans the proverbial house! That is simply friggin’ amazing. This is definitely a guy you want to take to Vegas and pal around with. If I was a broad, I’d be all over this dude. Ed is actually a widow and claims his luck started after his wife died. She used to scold him for “wasting” his money on the lottery. You know I’m deeply inclined to make a really bad joke about the having last laugh and so forth, but I’ll take the high road and let this one go.
I did a little web search, and there have been a great number of people who have won the lottery multiple times for tens of millions of dollars. Some have won the big games even three times. It leaves one asking, “Who the f@#k are these people and how about saving some for the rest of us.?!” I am actually one of those fortunate dudes who wins shit. I’ll often win boxes of cigars at dinners, I’ve won a nice bike, tv’s, golf equipment, and ten years ago won first prize in our church a raffle and went to Atlantis in the Bahamas for five days. I smoked Cubans cigars til my brains imploded and gawked at hot Euro-milfs in bathing suits that looked like somebody had a little Silly String left in a can and attempted to cover their private areas. That was a most cool trip. I am looking forward to my first big lottery win, though. I’ll have a major bash and fly all of you in. Hang tight, Sparky, don’t get all crazy – I’ll let you know.
And in Sports…
Young Patrick Kane, the 21 year old superstar of the NHL’s Chicago black Hawks got in a little trouble in his home town of Boofalo the other night. At 4am a cabbie who had driven them to a night club didn’t have the 20 cents change to give Kane 
and his brother, so the guys did a Hansen Brothers routine on the driver by putting on the foils and beating the guy senseless. Kane was arrested by Buffalo police where he received five minutes for fighting, a game misconduct, and was ordered to sign pucks for a group of retarded kids. Where Ogie Oglethorpe when ya need him?… David Ortiz, affectionately known as Big Papi, of the Boston Red Sox, used performance-enhancing drugs during his career! Oh my God I am so shocked! Say it isn’t so, large man who hits 1,200 foot home runs! Good lord what a black eye for the game – a game that has about eight hundred black eyes, in the past five years but, who’s counting, right? Hey, at least barry Bonds can live with himself… Tiger Woods won his 70th golf match this weekend. He and Kansas Lottery winner, Eddie “Two Times” Williams 
(”I gottta play the numbers, play the numbers”) will be honored in a ceremony on the cult Hispanic television show, Sabado Gigante. where large breasted, jiggling Latino hotties wearing little clothing will present them with plaques while a salsa band wearing tight pants will play loudly under a hail of confetti. Big Papi will not be in attendance.
Go Go Government…
Clunkers for Cash, huh?. But I don’t have a clunker…so… what do I do? Great…
Hey Pelosi…No Really – STFU…
People are speaking out across the nation against the Obamanation of health care reform, and Nancy Pelosi is referring to those people as “un-American.” This woman is as incredulous as it gets, as the act of people being able to speak out about government is as American as it gets. We have that freedom and that right. Hey Ms. Speaker of the House, you have mistakenly confused us for one of those socialist nations that you and your pals are trying so hard to turn us into. A few weeks back on my visit thru DC, when in the Capitol Building, I walked past her office and fancied the thought of tossing a lit Cuban Cigar under her closed door. But I also fancied the thought of a surly group of men in black using my fat Polack head to clean the White House urinals – so I just kept on walking.
No Paula, Say It Isn’t So…
Yes, the Oxycotton laced little Latin girl who weeps for the losers and loves everyone, has Twittered the world that she’s leaving the Idol. Wow, that’s leaving 
behind an awful lot of dough that requires her to sit for an hour between “Yo Dog, check it out” and the acerbic Simon Scowell. What will we do, America? First the break up of Jon and Kate, and now THIS?!!! Something tells me Paula won’t have to trade in her clunker, Bentley.
She’s Such a Nice Girl…
Czech model and bodacious bombshell, Denise Milani seems to be most pleased with some of the swell things I’ve written about the now California native. She has actually sent me three or four emails recently, thanking me for speaking about her large tracts of land. All true. And this has obviously gone to my head as I’ve started doing sit ups and have arranged for a flight to the west coast, next week. One of you guys will have to break it to my wife, gently. This is so friggin’ awesome. I’m up to nine sit-ups and can get to the mail box and back without stopping.
That’s enough outta me, so lets hear from you people,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog with theZman
