Archive for December, 2010

Cain Nub Maduro

Thursday, December 30th, 2010

I don’t remember where I picked up the cigar up for review today. I have had mixed feelings about the Cain line. I always felt they focused on power over flavor. I couldn’t tell you if there is any difference between this cigar and the regular Cain Maduro besides the obvious – size. I do know I am a fan of the Nubs, so I figured why not. Let’s see how the Cain Maduro treated me.


Wrapper/Binder/Filler: Nicaragua

Size: 4 x 60

Price: $5.75


Pre-Smoke & Construction:

The wrapper didn’t have any flaws. A few bumps and some small veins are about all you notice on this dark wrapper. The odor I got off of the wrapper and foot was a sweet earthiness. Overall it was rolled evenly and was pretty densely packed. This did not affect the draw, which was free with only slight resistance. The pre-light draw had notes of wood, earthiness, and mild spice.

The burn required no corrections, and the ash held for about two inches.

1_Cain Nub Maduro


The first third was pretty consistent and not very complex. I picked up on earthiness, pepper, and coffee. When passing smoke through the sinus, there was that familiar “Nic Zing,” or peppery spice. I passed a whole draw through the nose and it did not melt my face. Finally, there was an ever so faint sweetness that I attribute to the maduro wrapper. The smoke feel was dry, but there was plenty of volume.

2_Cain Nub Maduro

The second third kept the same core flavors as before – Earthy, coffee, peppery spice. There was a sweet note somewhere in there as well. The pepper increased in strength. I couldn’t exhale an entire draw through my nose anymore. It was still pleasant overall.

3_Cain Nub Maduro

The last third remained pretty much like the second third. There may have been an added woody component, but it was hard to pick out. Otherwise, no real changes.

4_Cain Nub Maduro


This was a good full bodied cigar. I enjoyed this one more then the regular Cain Maduro. I couldn’t tell you why I liked this one more, and who cares anyway. The flavor profile was fairly simple and one dimensional, but it just seemed to hit the spot. I had no crazy nicotine buzz, and the power didn’t drown out the flavors. Overall, I think it is worth trying.

2010… A Smokin’ Look Back

Monday, December 27th, 2010

Picture 12The years are flying by at a breakneck speed as my children grow older and I have to pee more often. I still love my cigars and enjoyed them more than ever this past year, but that won’t happen today as a blizzard hit the north east, dumping several feet of snow on us and throwing in some whipping winds to boot. The town plow finally decided to show up at 10am and not a soul could get out of our street if they wanted to.

Okay, that’s enough of my whiny bitching, let’s a little look back at the past 12 months…

January -  That awful Haiti earthquake struck. Not a very fond memory.

beaver_300-790929FebruaryThe New Orleans Saints win the Super Bowl. I hardly recall the Winter Olympics being this year, but they were, as the U.S. led with 37 gold medals, the Flying Tomato flew, the Americans lost in an overtime heartbreaker in ice hockey, scaring the living crap out of the cocky Canadians, and gigantic blow-up beavers graced the ceremonies in Vancouver. BTW, they were actually sold on EBAY, I kid you not.

TERMINATOR 3 PREMIEREMarch – The movie Avatar thrilled us movie goers after James Cameron waited ten years to make the movie he could finally make – Dancin’ With Wolves meets the Blue Man Group.

bp-oil-spill2April – A little  known oil company named B.P. kind of f@#ked up pretty good. Then there was that crazy volcano that canceled people’s flights to and from Europe.

0002874609-01-1_03-22-2010May – One of the greatest pioneers of modern day cigar making passed away, as the legendary Frank LLaneza left a legacy of premium hand rolled cigars that will never be forgotten. Bless you, Frank. Gary Coleman said, “What chu talikin’ ’bout Willis?!” for the very last time.

June – Jobless rates hit an all-time high in the U.S. as “CHANGE” is about all we have left in out pockets. The Chicago Black Hawks win their first Stanley Cup in half a century. The Los Angeles Lakers take the NBA title.

July – Spain wins the World Cup of soccer in dramatic fashion. Horrifyingly annoying horns known as vuvuzelas are then outlawed forever from anywhere human beings might dwell.

August – The International Premium Cigar & Pipe Retailers show introduced a bevy of new brands to the cigar industry in New Orleans, Louisiana.

September – The San Fransisco Giants and long-haired freak, Tim Lincecum take the World Series.

October – Thirty-three Chilean miners were rescued after 2 months of being trapped under ground and one dude was forced to tell his wife about his mistress. Those zany Chileans, I tell ya.

November – North Korea gets all all bully-like on South Korea as Kim Jong-Il fails to realize he looks like a raging queen in those glasses. Nancy Pelosi learned a new phrase: “You want fries with that?”

December – The moron who did all of the Wiki Leaks damage is arrested. You gonna pick up that soap, Julian?

And another year has come and blown by. Jeez Louise,where the hell is it all going? Listen, have a safe New Year’s and let’s all enjoy our premium hand rolled happy sticks for many years to come!

And wouldn’t you know I picked out a few beauties to make breaking in the New Year just right! Click the links and check out these tasty tidbits care of your friends here at JR Cigars.


Handmade DR
Wrapper: CTSH    Binder: DR    Filler: DR
Mild-Medium Bodied

ASHTONHandcrafted in the Dominican Republic by Tabacalera A. Fuente, the Ashton line of cigars is impeccably rolled and consistent from box to box. The blend of 3 to 4 year old, aged Dominican filler tobaccos wrapped in golden-brown Connecticut shade leaves provides a well-balanced bouquet of mild to medium bodied, rich flavors with subtle notes of peppery spice.


Handmade HON
Wrapper: CAM/CTBL    Binder: CTBL    Filler: HON/NIC/DR
Medium Bodied

EXCALIBUR 1066Like the original Hoyo de Monterrey Excalibur, this cigar remains a wonderfully balanced, smooth smoke. However, in this version, the wrappers provide a spicy edge and a long, cedary finish. Available in both a toothy African Cameroon EMS and a dark Connecticut broadleaf maduro, you won’t want to miss out on this enticingly complex smoke.


Handmade DR
Wrapper: ECSU/CTBL    Binder: NIC    Filler: DR/NIC
Full Bodied

LA GLORIA CUBANA SERIE RThe Serie R line is handmade in the Dominican Republic with a blend of Nicaraguan Ligero and Dominican Olor filler tobaccos that are aged several years longer than the original recipe making these cigars more powerful and robust. They are finished with either oily Ecuador Sumatra or heartier Connecticut broadleaf maduro wrappers that add to the bold, yet very mellow flavors and underlying hints of spice. These smokes are characterized by their larger ring gauges that range from 52 to 60, as well as their complexity, easy draw and long finish. Definitely a real treat for the experienced smoker.

Falto Gran Reserva Especial Prominente(Perfecto)

Monday, December 27th, 2010

I am back with another line from Falto Cigars. Luis Juan Falto (founder and CEO) was kind enough to send me some samples after we met awhile back at the Bonita Smoker Shop. Falto Cigars is a very small boutique company with limited distribution. This allows Luis to be directly involved in every aspect of his product.

This perfecto shaped cigar is manufactured using a wooden mold from 1923. When you buy a box, it includes a card that indicates when it began its cedar aging, when it was packaged, and when it left the factory. Luis signs each card as verification.

I am always willing to try new blends or brands. So with a glass of water, I started to pick this thing apart. Let’s see how it went.


Wrapper: Cameroon

Binder: Dominican

Filler: Dominican

Size: 4.5 x 42/47

Price: Around $7.00


Pre-Smoke & Construction:

The wrapper had a rugged look, with a few medium veins and an overall rustic appearance. The odor off of the wrapper was cedar. The cigar was evenly and very well packed. The pre-light draw had a slight resistance, and had a sweet woody flavor.

Despite being a small cigar, the smoke volume was plentiful and the burn was cool. The ash held for an inch, and I did no burn corrections.



The first few puffs of the first third were prominently earthy. As the cigar burned past the small perfecto opening, the flavors opened up a bit. A toasty, woody flavor seemed to meld with coffee notes. A slight peppery spice was noticed when passing smoke though the nose. As this third came to a close, the flavors started to have a sweet tinge to them.


The second third continued with those sweet toasty notes. The peppery spice was easy with just enough kick when passing smoke through the nose. A nice sweet coffee was dominant, and the woody/earthy flavors became hard to detect at times. As time went on, the smoke feel went from a toasty feel to more of a creamy sensation that coated the mouth and lips.


The last third became very creamy. The dominant flavor was sweet and almost mocha. The woody and earthy components would rear their heads from time to time. The sweet spice remained consistent with the second third, with a nice sweet cinnamony zing.




This was a very nice medium bodied, slow burning cigar. The flavors switched up and evolved as time went on. For such a small cigar, it didn’t lack in flavors. I could see this being a good after lunch smoke. Definitely worth a try. Thanks to Luis for letting me try them!

Bonita Smoke Shop Giveaway WINNER!

Sunday, December 26th, 2010

As you all know, Bonita Smoke Shop hosted a great Christmas giveaway on the site this year. I can’t say enough good things about this shop. So just do yourself a favor and pay them a visit on the web, or in person if you are in the Bonita Springs, FL area.


Out of the 93 of you who entered the contest, I drew a random winner. My method was simple. I put tickets into a bowl, mixed them up, and blindly grabbed a ticket.

So without further ado, the winner is Andrew DeVore! I already emailed you for your contact information, and will await your reply.

Thanks again to Bonita Smoke Shop for making this happen, and to everyone who visits the site!

The site grew beyond my expectations in 2010. The purpose of this place has been, and still remains a place for me to have a reference of the cigars that I smoke. I am certainly no expert or aficionado. If anything, I am an average casual smoker. The only difference is, I have this website. So keep coming back and let’s have a good time in 2011.

Stay tuned, as I am arranging another great giveaway in Jan. of 2011!

Cargo by Rocky Patel

Thursday, December 23rd, 2010

I picked up the Cargo by Rocky Patel at a shop near my job. I didn’t even know it was a Rocky Patel until later. This cigar features a double binder, which holds long and short fillers from the 15th Anniversary and 1961 Cigars. Long story short, this is a mixed filler cigar. Since I’m not a cigar snob, I don’t turn my nose up when I hear the term “Short filler.” As you know by now, I paired this cigar with water, and here is the review:


Wrapper: Ecuadorian Connecticut

Binder: Nicaragua

Filler: Nicaragua

Size: Toro Grande 6 x 58

Price: $4.89


Pre-smoke & Construction:

The tan wrapper had a toothy look and medium sized veins. The wrapper almost had no odor, only a slight natural tobacco. The foot had a more traditional earthy smell. When squeezing the cigar, I found a few soft spots, but it was nothing of concern. This draw had a little resistance, but was well within my tolerances. The pre-light draw was woody, earthy, and maybe a little fruity.

As you can see in the picture, the wrapper had a split in it and lifted during the first half. I think this was a fluke. The burn required a couple minor corrections, and the ash held for a little over an inch.



The first third had an easy prominent woody flavor. It was very smooth and easy to pass through the sinus with only a slight spice. There was a tinge of sweetness and something I can only describe as almost fruity.


The second third kept that dominant woody flavor. The smoke feel became a slightly creamy, and stuck to the lips and tongue for a few seconds after exhaling. The mild spice didn’t go anywhere, but took on a more sweeter note. Earthy flavors started to blend in as this third came to a close.


The last third crept up in to the upper medium bodied range. Out of nowhere, this thing started billowing out huge clouds of smoke. The spice through the nose had sweetness and woody notes, with a bit of a kick. That mysterious flavor I spoke of earlier (fruity?) was way in the background.



This was a good medium to full bodied cigar. Sure the flavors were simple, and there was really nothing new or amazing here, but…  It may be on par with another favorite value cigar of mine, the Tabacos Baez Serie SF. I know I had some wrapper issues, but that was just with the cigar I did for review. The others I smoked were fine. I also never got bits of short filler on my tongue. I suspect the double binder helped keep everything in check. So put aside your attitudes about a mixed filler cigar, and give this one a try.

Christmas Giveaway Ending Soon!

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

For those of you who haven’t entered this great giveaway, click HERE and do it now!


The contest will be over soon, and I’ll pick a random winner. So, if you haven’t entered yet, simply leave a comment HERE. And let’s not forget to thank Bonita Smoke Shop for this great contest!

Tom’s Favorites of 2010

Wednesday, December 22nd, 2010

It’s that time of the year again. Every cigar blog out there has their top 10, and I am not above making my own list.

My top cigars for 2010 list is a little different. My criteria is simple. I picked out some cigars that stood out throughout the year. The list isn’t limited to release date, popularity, or even the best tasting. Simply put… Any cigar that really stood out in my mind made this list.

Some of my choices may have some of you scratching your head. I bring to you my most memorable cigars of 2010:

T Logo 2

5 – Tabacos Baez Serie SF – Before you say “What?!” Let me say, this doesn’t have a complex flavor profile. It isn’t the prettiest or best cigar out there. I even called it “One dimensional” in my review. But for the price point, I found myself reaching for these when I wanted a decent, CHEAP cigar.


4 – La Gloria Cubana Artesanoa De Tabaqueros – This cigar takes you on a journey by offering you two different wrappers on one cigar. From almost mild to full, along with nice flavors. Smoking this is a lesson on just how much the wrapper plays in the over all flavor profile.


3 – Cubao Maduro – What can I say… I loved the original Cubao. The maduro version was great as well. I went through a couple of boxes in 2010.


2 – Don Pepin Garcia My Father Le Bijou 1922 – Being a Don Pepin fan, I had high expectations, and they were met. This is just full bodied goodness.


And my number one pick is…


1 – Quesada Tributo – I probably smoked more of these then any other cigar this year. It took me a little while to warm up to them. But once I did, I couldn’t get enough. I still have a few of these a week.


And there you have it, my most memorable cigars of 2010.

La Gloria Cubana Serie N

Saturday, December 18th, 2010

While browsing a local cigar shop, the cigar up for review today caught my eye. I guess the glued on N is what made me wonder what the deal was. Turns out the N stands for Nicaragua. I’m a fan of Nicaraguan tobacco, so lets see what I thought of the La Gloria Cubana Serie N.


Wrapper: Ecuadorian Sumatra

Binder: Nicaragua

Filler: Nicaragua

Size: Generoso 5 3/4 x 49

Price: $5.45


Pre-Smoke & Construction:

The oily wrapper was bumpy and rugged looking, with no major flaws. The odor coming off of the wrapper was almost barn-yardish, while the foot had a dark syrupy smell to it. This cigar was packed evenly and was rock solid. This led to a draw that was a just a little too tight for my liking. The pre-light draw had that dark syrupy taste I mentioned before.

The ash held for a little over one inch, and I had to do several burn corrections.

1_La Gloria Cubana Serie N


The first third began with simple natural tobacco and earthiness. After about an inch. there was a dry woody flavor. There was black pepper when passing smoke through the nose. It had a little punch, but nothing that would melt your face off.

2_La Gloria Cubana Serie N

The second third kept those dominant woody and earthy flavors. The pepper didn’t go anywhere, and maybe even went down a notch in terms of strength. There was something lurking in the background that I can only describe as fruity. It was so subtle that I may be way off on that one.

3_La Gloria Cubana Serie N

Unidentified sweet notes came about in the last third. They weren’t consistent and I can’t compare it to anything. The dominant flavor was wood, and earthiness followed behind it. The pepper became more of a smooth spice as opposed to black pepper.

4_La Gloria Cubana Serie N


This was an good medium to full bodied cigar. The flavors were good, and I never got any harshness or bad flavors. For whatever reason, I was expecting something more out of it. The flavor profile was pretty simple and one dimensional. I also found myself becoming parched from the dry smoke feel. In the end, I’m on the fence with this cigar. While it wasn’t bad at all, it definitely didn’t WOW me. I suggest you draw your own conclusion on this one.

Mauled at the Mall Makes It All the More Merry

Saturday, December 18th, 2010

I’m writing this blog on Saturday because I knew that I’d be out of circulation on Monday. But I also thought it was a good idea to write this with the horror still freshly lodged into my fertile brain. What horror might I be speaking of? Why the horror of shopping at the local mall on the Saturday before Christmas. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

madmax copyYes, for making the attempt, I am a true rubber helmet wearing tard of the first order. As the line up of cars was a quarter mile deep from the entrance, I told my daughter we should head back home, but of course keeping a teenage girl from the mall would be a cruel torture indeed, and of course, we trekked on towards the holiday madness that awaited. Parking several hundred miles from the entrance of JC Penny’s was the only option as the lot resembled a scene from Mad Max, with overturned burning cars and leather clad, mohawk sporting hooligans on motorbikes. The mall was our personal Thunderdome and the mission was to not only shop, but to get out alive.

user1833_1157039308As we entered the flaming barbed wire doors, I pushed my way through the gaggle of misfits and freaks, realizing I needed to head to Sears, which was at the exact opposite end of the mall. Then my daughter wished me well as she broke off on her own, shopping for her boyfriend in Penny’s, as I began my journey across the tiled floor tundra. Exiting the store onto the second floor, Auntie Anne’s Pretzels smelled mighty tempting, but the 30 person deep line assured me that the carbohydrates would have to wait for another time. Embarking upon the Verizon kiosk, I wanted to inquire about the truth of the arrival of the iphone for this coming January, but the 45 minute wait time to santa-angry2speak with a fresh-face 22 year old kid on college break kept my feet moving forward.

As I hit the mall’s epicenter, it was clear that the disgruntled Santa had just about enough of the stinking little yard apes. The thought of quenching my thirst with an iced Starbucks had me salivating, but the half hour long wait filled with crazed Frappachin-ites had me growing weary, tired and hungry. The food court was not far off, but the throng of idiot shoppers like me made it seem like an eternity until I could receive some fast food really fast.  But at that moment while passing one of the mall’s side entrances, I remembered that I had a Punch Champion tucked away in a remote zippered jacket pocket. Sure it was cold out, but I was in survival mode and in severe need of tasty tobacco nourishment.

punch_classic_champion“That smells so good,” said the Friendly’s fry cook who was sucking down a Marlboro on his 5-minute break, as I toasted the end of this luscious chubby Honduran plumbob. Ah, the deep rich flavor of that full-bodied little smoke made my brief detour an enjoyable one, as two big-haired hotties from the salon huddled around me for warmth and a respite from the mayhem taking place on the opposite side of the glass doors just ten feet away. But alas, rest time was over as I headed to the food court, yearning for free samples of bourbon chicken dangling from a wooden toothpick.

“Rike to try bur-bun cheeken,” asked the Asian dude, as I yanked it from his hand as if I hadn’t eaten in a month. And as he turned his head to hand a sample to some elderly sow, I swiped five or six more from his plate, then booked towards the fruit smoothie joint for an uplifting ginseng filled yogurt shake.

Picture 5“Yo-gut ma-cheen bro-keen,” said the hispanic woman in her bro-keen English, as again I was thwarted in this holiday house of doom. But as I turned my head, the sign for Sears was close by, and my mission was almost complete. As I made my way past the table with someone begging for money, I headed towards men’s work clothes in hunt for the elusive Carhardt jacket that my 15 year-old son has asked for. Seems as if this rugged outerwear is now the fashion rage with teen boys this year, and wouldn’t you know it, that the section was picked clean by moms who were piled 6 deep, scrambling to make a last minute score. Damn, this is the one thing my kid really wanted, and I couldn’t believe after the hellacious journey through the mall of death, that my trek would end empty handed. But alas, some grandma placed one of the hooded canvas jackets back on the rack and eureka, it was a large, on sale for $69! Yes, I did it, thought as I headed towards the register, only to see the line of crazed-faced shoppers some 30 cretins deep. The wait was long, but I traveled far and accomplish my goal.

A half hour later I made rendezvous with my daughter in the middle of the mall as she awaited with an iced Starbucks coffee and a big hug for her frazzled dad.

“Thanks for taking me dad, I really appreciate it!” she said with sincerity. “And just for that, I’ll shop with you in any of the stores that you like.”

“Any store?” I asked with my eyebrows raised and a smirk at the corner of my mouth.

WezFaceoff“Sure dad, any store.”

So, we hoped in the car and drove ten minutes up state highway route 10 in Whippany, New Jersey to JR Cigars…my one true home away from home.

“You don’t mind if I wait in the car, dad?” she asked like the good kid she is.

And of course I had no problem as I picked out some much-needed smokes for the Christmas, New Year’s week. Like the infamous Audie Murphy, I had made it to hell and back, but the payoff was oh so sweet and oh so flavorful.

Check out some of the singles I picked out that I recommend you check out for yourself!


Handmade HON
Wrapper: ECSU/CTBL    Binder: CT    Filler: DR/HON/NIC
Medium-Full Bodied

PUNCHThe world-famous Punch brand is handcrafted with all-Cuban-seed black tobaccos. This blend is the benchmark against which all other Honduran cigars are judged, and has been satisfying experienced smokers for decades.


Handmade HON
Wrapper: NIC    Binder: NIC    Filler: NIC/HON
Medium-Full Bodied

ROMEO Y JULIETA HABANA RESERVEIntroducing Romeo y Julieta Habana Reserve cigars…unlike any other Romeo you’ve experienced before. Handmade in Honduras at the Flor de Copán factory, these full-bodied beauties will captivate your senses with the distinguished smoothness of a Romeo intermingled with the rich, hearty flavors of the finest, hand-selected Honduran and Nicaraguan filler tobaccos. Attractive deep-brown, silky wrapper leaves top off the cigars resulting in a more seasoned version of an old favorite!


Handmade HON
Wrapper: NIC    Binder: MEX    Filler: NIC/PAN
Full Bodied

OMAR ORTEZ HONDURAN MADUROThe new maduro version of the Omar Ortez brand is handmade in Honduras with an aged robust blend of Nicaraguan and Panamanian long filler tobaccos, a peppery Mexican binder and a dark, rich Nicaraguan maduro wrapper. These rustic looking babies are loaded with flavor and spice and are sure to satisfy the full-bodied cigar lover. They are packed in unique wooden boxes of 60.


Handmade DR
Wrapper: ECSU    Binder: NIC    Filler: NIC/DR
Medium-Full Bodied

E.P. CARRILLO CORE LINEThe creator of the original La Gloria Cubana cigars, Ernesto Perez-Carrillo, had created yet another winning blend – this one reminiscent of the La Glorias from the 90s. Handmade at Tabacalera la Alianza in Santiago, these medium to full bodied smokes are created with aged, complex long filler Piloto Cubano tobaccos from Nicaragua and the Dominican Republic, two spicy Nicaraguan binder leaves, and an eye-catching, toothy Ecuador Habano wrapper. The rich, creamy flavors accompanied by notes of cedar, coffee, and spice along with the lasting finish will not disappoint you.

A JR Blog Holiday Classic Re-run…

Wednesday, December 15th, 2010

Since we’re all obviously fed up with all of the holiday bullsquat, I thought you guys might enjoy some Holiday Blogs of JR past cuz they never stop being funny… and angry. Today, we present you once again with…

Curmudgeons A Caroling

Originally Posted Thursday, December 18, 2008

My 17 year-old daughter, who started driving back in June, was in her glory a few weeks ago when her radio station started playing nothing but Christmas Carols. “Dad, it’s so great and it just puts me in the best Christmassy mood!”

Give it time, girl.

Yesterday we get in her car and she has a different station on. I wonder what gives, and she says, “Aghhhhh, I’m sick of those songs! There are only SO many, and they play them over and over! And besides, Little Drummer Boy is just downright creepy – didn’t his parents get brutally murdered or something?”

THAT’S the spirit, honey! Kind of fun, yet twisted watching a teenager turn into a curmudgeon right before your very eyes.

I told you that back in the beginning of November that department stores started playing those ghastly tunes and I wasn’t mentally ready. But I’m quite sure that the people who work there must be ready to take and axe to their families by now, if they aren’t already on heavy doses of behavior inducing medications.

Let’s get to it…

Grandma Just Got Run Over By a Reindeer is downright grotesque, hillbilly horse hockey. By the way, what has seven teeth and 100 legs? The front row at a Willie Nelson concert. But you knew that.

Johnny Mathis, who supposedly enjoyed his share of candy canes always sickens me with his nuts roasting, and that drunken fool, Jack Frost nipping at his private parts. Who the fark dresses up like Eskimos, other than Eskimos? And kids from one to ninety-two? Oh STFU you nog-chugging douchebag.

NOTHING…I mean absolutely NOTHING is worse than Babsy Streisand’s attempt at joyous Christianity than her album of carols – the most heinous being her liberalized version of Jingle Bells. Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jin – Jing – Jing – Jing Jingle Bells, all the way, way way-up your ass you out of touch, bottle nosed cracker. About ten years ago my wife had it in her shoebox of Holiday faves, but while packing up in January, I took the cassette and flung it off our then condo deck into a small pond that was in the back. That F’er sailed like a Frisbee and hit the water like a Polish scud rocket with a purpose. The next Christmas my wife opened the box enquiring about her “fave” and I shrugged my shoulders while delivering the classic “I dunno.” The other day my daughter told me she heard that song and agreed to how awful it was. I then told her and her brother about the cassette tape and they laughed for an hour. Me too.

And a Walking in a Winter Wonderland may sound swell and all festive to you in the south and west, but try driving in a foot of snow, shoveling your driveway thru blurry eyed headache and back pain, or not playing golf for six months and you’ll want to permanently maim the song’s author.

We all know that Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer is a violent tale of racism filled with pure hatred for those who are different. Of course the social outcast ends up guiding Santa’s sleigh, but what they don’t tell you is how afterwards he is sold into slavery and ends up in a sausage grinder by the following fall. Sick and perverse – yes – but why not tell our youths the entire story?

And yes, Little Drummer Boy is a slow and rhythmically creepy tale of an orphaned kid who’s mom and goat were gang-raped while dad was taken out in a Camel-ride-by shooting. Then the kid plays the drums for the Christ child – and of course the place is crawling with agents and the urchin gets signed to play with a lounge act in Vegas. The little turd ended up rump -a-bum-bumming three sets a night at the Sands before Sinatra and Sammy for about a decade. I read it on Google somewhere. No, really.

And of course, Frosty is a drunken pedophile snowman whose computer was confiscated for having disturbing imagery of carrots in compromising positions. There are just too many to talk of and I’m sure you all can add your own twisted and most unholy thoughts.

Just a Week Til Fatso Breaks Into Your Home (Unless you’re Jewish and going to the movies.)

Ho ho ho, ya ho,

Tommy Z.

JR CIGARS Blog With the Zman

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