$319 Million Buys a Lot of Stogies

It has been unofficially confirmed that seven New York State employees claim to hold the winning ticket to Saturday’s Mega Million winning drawing of $319 million dollars. According to the Urban Dictionary, it would also be known as $319 million smackers, duckets, moolah, cash, paper, dinero, bucks, dough, cheese, cream, bills, coin, scratch, dolliz, currency, cheddar, loot, greenbacks, bills, chips, change, bread, bling, tender, wad, and benjamins. That is truly an absurd amount of money and seven extremely fortunate peeps will walk away with 29 million a piece after taxes. And while we’re speaking about ‘absurd’, $116 million of the total will be taken off the top so Uncle Sam and the State of New York can continue to cry how broke they are.

56134403Okay, I think that any one of us could discover a myriad of ways to live in style and comfort with 29 million dollars in the bank. (And, it’s not even the largest lottery payoff, ever, which was in the neighborhood of $390 million…yikes!) And I’m also sure that some of us could blow that dough in a matter of days, too. Sure would be a heck of a nice challenge. I think that the very first thing you’d need to do is change your phone number and move the hell out. I’ve heard the stories of people being bombarded with phone calls and strangers showing up at their doorstep, begging and pleading for financial help. But blingsomething tells me that $29 mil is enough to buy yourself a couple of rottweilers named Satan and Mr. Cuddles.

When asked, Mega Lottery winners typically claim they will spend their good fortune on the usual stuff… a well deserved vacation, new home, cars, give money to family and charities, a shopping spree, yada, yada, yada, and rightfully so. Then there are those who buy off the wall, bat-shit crazy stuff simply because: they can. You ever watch those reality shows about lottery winners? The bling that these crazies nab is insane… NASCAR shapped swimming pools filled with Coors Light, 12 foot statues of St. Christopher for the foyer, gold plated bidets (that’s bi-days for you uncultured goofs), diamond studded teef, and nothing completes your memorabilia collection like a pair of authenticated Elvis’s soiled boxers in near mint condition. And of course, you always hear about the postman or the factory flunky who swears that they’re going to keep working at their job because they like it. Yeah, uh-huh, that’s gotta last about two weeks until one searing hot afternoon and thoughts of that Dale Earnhardt dedicated pool start dancing through his cerebellum. No doubt, the dude hops into his Grey Poupon filled Bentley and heads on home for good.

Walk-in-humidor-at-Nicky-Blaines-Bar-in-Indianapolis-Indianaman-cave-4If I were to win the BIG prize, hmmmmm… while I would definitely do all the stuff listed at the beginning of the preceding paragraph, (and possibly the bidet to reach those hard to scrub places) I would sure as all hell have the most bitchenest, mondo, awesomely-spectacular walk-in humidor, wine cellar, whisky collection, and smoking game room/sports bar that this world has ever seen. Now you’ve gotta fill that humidor to the brim so your buddies can hang for weeks at a time, and I would have a collection of precious puro goodness, enough to make Churchill and Kennedy arise from the great beyond just to join me for a smoke and a belt! I am talking about a Spanish Cedar fortress filled with more Latin American Goodness than any self-respecting Brother of the Leaf could possibly handle. Each morning I’d head to the humidor upon awaking and do deep breathing exercises amongst the Hoyos, El Rey Del Mundos, Montecristo Whites, and a plethora of finely aged, premium leaf! Like they say, one can only dream, and this would be my very own handrolled heaven.

Yeah, bro, 319 million… I could find a way to handle that copious amount of scratch, samolians, and loot. And you’d all be invited over for the party of the millenium. Just remind me to lock up Satan and Mr. Cuddles and close the tank full of sharks with laser beams attached to their foreheads. Skads of money can make a guy forgetful at times.

Til next week, my Stogie Smokin’ Homeys,


Tommy Z . JR Cigars Blog With the Zman


Handmade HON
Wrapper: ECSU/CTBL    Binder: HON    Filler: HON
Medium-Full Bodied

EL REY DEL MUNDOEl Rey del Mundo is a classic Cuban brand featuring a symphony of delectable Honduran flavors, impeccable construction, perfect burn and draw, and an enchantingly complex blend of the finest tobaccos. They are available in both Ecuador Sumatra EMS and dark Connecticut broadleaf maduro wrappers. These are arguably one of the finest cigars made in the world today – bar none. An absolute “must try” cigar for all!


Handmade HON
Wrapper: ECSU    Binder: CTBL    Filler: HON/NIC/DR
Full Bodied

HOYO DE MONTERREY DARK SUMATRAA full-bodied line extension to the majestic Hoyo de Monterrey brand, the Dark Sumatra is wrapped in the darkest sun-grown Ecuadorian Sumatran leaf. This blend uses select tobaccos from five nations to provide a rich, robust smoke packed with earthy flavors. This is a cigar for those who crave a heavier, Cuban-style smoke.


Handmade DR
Wrapper: ECCT    Binder: NIC    Filler: DR/NIC
Medium-Full Bodied

MONTECRISTO WHITEThe Montecristo White is an elegant cigar ringed in a white band. Hand wrapped in a golden Ecuadorian Connecticut Shade seed leaf and blended with select Dominican and Nicaraguan long leaf fillers, its flavor is worth savoring. While they are mild in body, the flavor is thoroughly rich and wonderfully delicious! Probably one of my favorite mild smokes out there!

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