A Mickey Mouse Operation

You don’t tug on Superman’s cape

You don’t spit into the wind

You don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger

And you don’t mess around with Jim

- Jim Croce

mickey-feio-lucas-leibholzWell, you also don’t “F” with the most recognizable icon in the history of mankind, either.

In an article last week in the New York Times, it was revealed that the Walt Disney Company is going to give their coveted mouse a modernized facelift. They feel that today’s Pixar, Dreamworks, Nickelodeon kiddies are simply not in love with the high-pitched rodent that you and I grew up on. The Mickster’s five billion dollar a year merchandise sales is dwindling, as only 20 percent of that number comes from the United States. So the answer: an edgier, more modernized Mick.

Say guys… anybody remember…  NEW COKE? Just thought I’d ask.

applepieJunction Point is a Disney-owned game developer that is creating a new video game, entitled, Epic Mickey, and it will be the first time we see our protagonist in a newer light. “Holy cow, the opportunity to mess with one of the most recognizable icons on Planet Earth,” said Warren Spector, Junction Point creative director.

“This is a huge opportunity to create more relevancy for Mickey and pull him into the fastest-growing entertainment medium,” claims Jim Wilson, CEO of Atari’s North America. “If it’s a good game — and given the strength of the developer and I.P., the likelihood of that is high — people are going to buy it.”

“I wanted him to be able to be naughty — when you’re playing as Mickey you can misbehave and even be a little selfish,” Junction Point’s, Spector said.

I don’t know about you guys, but to me, this could be like all those things that Mr. Croce mentioned in his song. Disney really has to think this thing through like nothing they’ve ever attempted before. People love that damned rat, and too much messing will cause a revolt to the likes we have never really witnessed in American pop culture.

mickey_mouseIf we go back to the 1920’s when the Mick was created, Disney originally portrayed him as a mischievous little pain in the ass with a penchant for causing a stir. Over the years the mouse became more wholesome and loving, and a symbol of Americana and apple pie.

New York brand consultant firm, Mr. Youth’s, Matt Britton commented, “There’s a distinct risk of alienating your core consumer when you tweak a sacred character, but at this point it’s a risk they have to take.”

But, I personally think there’s a safe way out of this mess, where Mickey Mouse can move into 2010 and identify with absolutely everyone on God’s green earth. The answer…

Mickey Mouse MakeoverMickey goes Politically Correct!

The media will simply love P.C. Mickey and try with everything they’ve got to ensure that we all embrace him as well. And just how does WDC pull this off? Pretty simple, actually…

Going P.C. means we appeal to the masses where nobody gets mad, nobody gets hurt, nobody gets offended, and everything is just honkey storyf@#king dorey, 24/7… just like in the real everyday world! Therefore we will have to have a myriad of Mickeys… a Caucasian Mickey, an African American Mickey, a Hispanic Mickey, an Asian Mickey, and a gay Mickey who hang around with each other wherever they go! Wow, Zman, that is goddamned brilliant! A Mickey for everyone!

Of course we’ll have to introduce a bevy of new pals not to leave anyone out, including a handicapped Mickey (sorry, I meant physically challenged), a midget Mickey, (jeez, I mean little person Mickey) an American Indian Mickey (the son of a casino owner,) an emo Mickey (who the others constantly encourage not to cut himself,) an obese Mickey, an addicted Mickey, a trans-gender Mickey, a severely depressed Mickey, multiple personality disorder Mickey, enlarged prostate Mickey, a peanut allergy Mickey, an “in da Hood” Mickey, an erectile dysfuction Mickey, an overactive bladder Mickey, and most definitely an earth friendly green Al Gore Mickey. I guess we’ll need a Smoke Nazi Mickey while we’re at it.

deranged-mickeyI think it’s about time that the world’s most revered cartoon icon go the route of society as a whole, don’t you? The story lines will be wonderful as no one ever gets in trouble, there’s no arguing, they all get along amazingly swell, and when they play sports, there are no winners or losers as every game ends in a tie! It’s PC Mickey, people! Like our American leader says: CHANGE IS GOOD!

Welcome to the new Magic Kingdom!

Have a nice week, y’all…

Tommy Z.

JR CIGARS Blog With the Zman

Looking for something?

Use the form below to search the site:

Still not finding what you're looking for? Drop a comment on a post or contact us so we can take care of it!