Cigar Smoking Like It Was the End of the World

Not so far away, in the land of fruits and nuts – a strange place lovingly known as Kalifawnya – there lived a crazy old preacher-man who warned the earth’s inhabitants that the end of the world was indeed coming… and, guess what… that was back in 1994. Obviously the 88 year old coot prescribes to the notion of once you don’t succeed, try, try again. So, a new date was set for this past Saturday, May 21, 2011, as nutty old Harold Camping spent hundreds of thousands of dollars erecting billboards all across the Untied States, warning the world of the coming rapture. Well, I guess the fact that we’re still here proves that Mr. Camping’s message of apocalyptic doom was merely the rantings of a half-baked nutjob, who really should just stick to walks in the park and heaping bowls of high fiber oat bran with warm milk.

cd-coverAs Saturday approached, I thought to myself, just what if there was even the slightest chance that this was all true and the Dumbo-eared preacher really did hear the voice of God. I mean, what the heck would any of us do if the world was really about to end as we knew it? I’m sure many would think about loved ones, the wife and kids, parents and friends, yada, yada, yada. And that’s all nice and everything, but I thought, “What the hell am I going to do about all those god damned cigars, in all of those god damned humidors, I have all over the god damned house?” It’s taken me eons to collect all of those finely aged smokes and you’re telling me that the Harold-Camping-Funny-Numbersworld is gonna go poof before I get to go puff?

So, on a whim, just in the event that Camping had some inside information from the man in the clouds, himself, I proceeded to smoke cigars, one after another, all day long on Saturday, right up until the witching hour of six pm. That’s right, I lit up one stick after another until I smelled like a fire in a condom factory, as the beginnings of black lung started setting in. I worked too damned hard to accumulate many a premium stick, and I wasn’t about to let the four horsemen ride off with my precious humidors, no, way, uh-uh. “Hey Pestilence, gimme back those Mayorgas  before I get medieval on your boney, gray ass!”

BillboardBut then six o’clock came, the hour that Camping said all hell would break loose. And much to the the old boner’s chagrin, there were no comets hurtling through the atmosphere, setting the world ablaze. Nope, no earth-cracking quakes, releasing souls of the damned into the world as our bodies were plucked into the heavens without even a fight. No zombies strolling down main street and through your favorite mall stores, no locusts, no plagues, no day after tomorrow. Nothin, nada. Harold Camping was full of Shinola as us mortals went on with the events of our normal mundane Saturday. At that moment, I was on my 15th cigar while barbecuing burgers and chicken legs on my back patio. My kids said I was a little green and my wife vowed never to share the same bed again, but you had to understand that I did it all in the name of rapture, which was seriously more of a rupture.

Okay, Harold Camping may be a real laughing stock, But I do thank the fella for getting me to smoke some of the tastiest cigars I’ve had in ages. The following are my top cigar picks to make any judgment day a satisfyingly smokey one…


CAMACHO COROJOWrapper: HON    Binder: HON    Filler: HON   Full Bodied
The world’s only authentic Corojo cigar…
Handmade in the Jamastran Valley of Honduras, where the fertile soil and climate compare to Cuba’s renowned Vuelta Abajo Region, this Camacho line is the cream of the crop. Under the strict supervision of Christian Eiroa, these rich, full bodied Honduran puros are made with 100% first generation Corojo seed tobaccos that are finished with hearty, sun grown Corojo wrappers – only the best leaves from the harvest. The complex, distinctive flavors make this smoke a favorite amongst cigar connoisseurs everywhere.


ARTURO FUENTE HEMINGWAYWrapper: CAM    Binder: DR    Filler: DR   Medium Bodied
The Hemingway series, named after renowned novelist Ernest Hemingway, was the first limited edition brand extension launched by the Fuentes. These highly respected cigars are handmade with a medium to full bodied blend of aged Dominican filler tobaccos, a Dominican binder and a delicate West African Cameroon wrapper. The rich, earthy flavors and pleasant spicy finish that these masterpieces provide will delight you. Each cigar is expertly crafted in the Cuban perfecto shape.


EL REY DEL MUNDOWrapper: ECSU/CTBL    Binder: HON    Filler: HON
Medium-Full Bodied
El Rey del Mundo is a classic Cuban brand featuring a symphony of delectable Honduran flavors, impeccable construction, perfect burn and draw, and an enchantingly complex blend of the finest tobaccos. They are available in both Ecuador Sumatra EMS and dark Connecticut broadleaf maduro wrappers. These are arguably one of the finest cigars made in the world today – bar none. An absolute “must try” cigar for all!


MAYORGAWrapper: NIC/CR    Binder: NIC    Filler: NIC
Medium-Full Bodied
This fantastic Nicaraguan cigar has quickly become one of our best sellers. These solid, square-pressed vitolas are loaded with creamy coffee flavors and reward the smoker with a long, lingering finish that will satisfy any cigar lover’s soul. Your choice in either a spicy Nicaraguan EMS wrapper or a dark, robust Costa Rican maduro – both are exceptional.


Tommy Z . JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

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