Egos & Enigmas That Confuse Me

We men are indeed most strange creatures – an enigma of the highest order.

sandra_bullock_jessie_james_gossip_33Take for instance Jesse James, a motorcycle builder who grew up on the streets in California – a guy who lived a hard life and worked with his hands to make a success of himself. The dude then hits the proverbial lottery – he marries Sandra Bullock, a beautiful, sexy, and wealthy woman who is without question one of Hollywood’s most beloved stars. On the night of the Academy Awards, Bullock stares from the podium at her husband with tears in hers eyes, stating that Jesse is one of the reasons why her life is so complete. Then, only several days later, it is reported that Jesse kept himself plenty busy in the Monster Garage while wifey Sandra was away making the movie, Blindside. A skanky fetish queen dancer by the name of Bombshell McGee, complete with ten gallons of body paint and authentic Nazi regalia kept Mr. James throttle in full gear during the waning months. Uh-oh, time to forfeit your lottery prize, bro.

tiger_woods__elin_nordegrenTiger Woods is married to Elin Nordegren, a gorgeous model from Stockholm, Sweden. They have a couple of kids and live the charmed life as one of the world’s happiest couples. But it seems that the Asian/black/Indian/white golfer is a bigger swinger than everyone thinks. The squeaky clean, rabbit toothed go-zillionaire gets a text message and Ms. Elin finds out that her big cat husband is getting more tush than a toilet seat. One by one, the gal pals emerge from the rough – a few hotties and a couple of skankarama-mommas – and suddenly Mr. Nike is minus a bunch of longtime multi-million dollar sponsors.

christie-brinkley-picture-4Peter Cook, some business-guy-nobody hits the lottery as well. He marries super-model and world-renowned beauty, Ms. Christie Brinkley. Wow… the gal who Clark Griswold jumped in the pool for is still stunning and worth mega-millions… Yet, Peter Nobody gets caught spending five grand a month on internet porn while shtooping his 18 year-old assistant. Bye, bye, Ms. American pie… Dumbass.

Men are most bizarre, but especially the one’s that are believed to “have it all.” Really, what the hell, guys? Why are we willing to give up the goods for Michelle-Bombshell-McGeesomething strange and new? Why must we hunt, chase, and kill? Why do we conquer new worlds, plow new fields, smoke different cigars? I mean I love my core group of cigars – JR Ultimate, Punch Grand Cru # 2, Bolivar, and El Rey Del Mundo. But all of a sudden out of no where a new cigar will come along, so sleek, well wrapped and oily, and if I don’t put that son of a bitch in my mouth and light its fire, I almost think that I’ll go mad… mad I tell you!

Some say it’s genetics, something God-given, something we’re born with that we can’t control. And it sure as hell happens a lot more than the olividadosthree examples I just gave. Let’s face it, those are pretty high profile and appear on every news channel and internet site under the sun. But this sure as hell ain’t nothing new and has been happening since Og saw another cave chick wearing a sexy new sabertooth pelt.

But should I only blame men? Don’t women fall to the same desires? My personal answer is that I really don’t know, I’m a guy and I only can relate to the way men think – which is primordial and pretty twisted. It’s just this last Sandra Bullock thing that has thrown me for a loop. Let’s face it, Jesse moved up into the major leagues yet he still seems to like that minor league junk ball pitching. (And I am so full of euphemisms and analogies that I’m making myself nuts.) This one bothered me because I truly don’t get it. You’ve got this amazing thing and you turn back into a bottom feeder within no time at all.

I guess today was a cathartic attempt to work this one out and I chose you guys to help us all make sense of this strange and head-scratching human dilemma. So, I’m lighting up a lunchtime smoke and awaiting your responses. But I won’t tell you the cigar brand, because I have yet strayed again.

Oh the shame.

Tommy Z.

JR CIGARS Blog With the Zman

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