Mindless, Yet Somewhat Stimulating…

So, with a full week on my hands between postings, a lot of thoughts and imagery rattles through my cerebellum on a continual basis. And the main quest is to solve the quandary of entertaining you fine readers of this now weekly offering. So, here’s some of the G.I.G.O. that I have produced for your amusement and pleasure…

drunkmomsSome British broad put together a study on various health related info for women, and get this – she claims that more than 200 orgasms a year can reduce your physiological age by six years. I figure, due to the accessibility of internet porn sites, by all accounts, I should look like I’m three.

A mom in Kansas City had a great idea for her 14 year-old kid’s birthday party. Clowns? Balloons? Chuckee Cheese? Hell no… mom held a vodka chugging party. Yeah, 43-year-old Karen Christine Downs and 25-year-old Kelsee Guest face felony child-endangerment charges as they offered up $10 to the kiddies to see who could chug shots of the Russian firewater the fastest. The two kooky mixed-up moms told kids at the party NOT to tell their parents, and can you believe word actually got out? Unbelievable how kids just can’t keep a secret these days. But I have to ask…just how badly would you beat the living snot outta those two bitches if your kids were at that party? Whiffles wrapped in duct tape. That’s all I have to say about that. Okay, graphite composite Easton bats might be more fitting.

jenny_mccarthyYou know, I don’t know what the hell is with Jenny McCarthy. She sends me an autographed photo of herself with a note, telling me how hot she is for me and that Polish cigar bloggers get her incredibly randy. I texted her several times, telling her to cut it out, I mean, come on, I’m married and I told her that men married for 21 years get all the sex they can handle from their wives. This broad just doesn’t get it. Some people are crazy.

SCHIP. Go ahead, say it. Say the dirty, stinking, evil, whorey word. Say it with all the animosity you can muster, my cigar smoking brethren. Ask Pelosi and the Hildebeast just how many kids abuse premium cigars. Ask them why the tobacco industry has been forced to grab its ankles and scream out, “Thank you Sir, may I have another?” Ask them why they don’t care that many thousands will lose their jobs. Ask them that when they finally eradicate smoking in their fascist Neo-Nazi wave of terror, how will they replace the billions and billions of dollars in tax revenues the tobacco companies bring to America? Go ahead, ask ‘em, I dare ya. I double dare ya.

batBTW… ever actually swing a gleaming yellow Whiffle ensconced in sticky silver wrapping paper? It’s a whole lot more fun than ya might think. Just sayin’.

Now just who the hell are They? You know, the “They” in “They oughtta do something about the homeless” or “They gotta stop frying those burgers my kids scarf down”, or “They really should do something about people who abuse the Clapper.” Not for nothin’, but I personally think “They” suck a whole lot. Just my two cents.

branderoderick6Playboy cover model Brande Roderick and professional golfer Natalie Gulbis are both contestants on the current Celebrity Apprentice television show. Now I swear to God, they don’t mean a thing to me and I purely watch to see how the Donald’s shag weave looks each week.

I was hanging around between games of my son’s hockey tournament this weekend, and with several hours to kill, I was in need of a smoke and had no stogies with me. The only store around was a Walgreens where I knew I would only find a cavalcade of dog excrement. Much to my surprise, for $2.29 I buy a Honduran made maduro figurado called Blender’s Gold and the goddamned thing wasn’t bad at all. It had a nice wrapper leaf, burned great, had a solid white ash, and tasted pretty decent. Forget surprised, I was shocked. From what I gather, it’s some private label made for Walgreens. Guys, if I took the label off and gave it to you to try, you’d be just as shocked as I was.

gulbis_twoAnd finally, this just in… Al Gore’s head is still made of corrugated board, Japanese scientists say. And as you can imagine, they took lots of pictures.

Have a swell rest of the week, my peeps,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigars Blog With the Zman

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