Of Wimps and Men in 2011

Okay, let’s set the record straight and call a spade a spade… all of my supposed cigar loving buddies who dissed me on New Year’s Day – you’re all wuss bags and wimps!

Happy-New-Year-2011-86It all started on New Year’s morning when I sent out a gang text message to a collective throng of tobacco laden heathens, that we were all to meet for hours of cigar smoking debauchery at the JR Cigars location in Whippany, NJ. I clearly stated I’d be there from noon to 4pm, giving everyone ample time slots to jump in and out of. We were to meet in the main smoking room where numbers of tv’s were showing college bowl games, the beer was flowing, and good food was being devoured. Yeah, it was going to be a great day for the manly man indeed.

Picture 13So I arrive at JR Headquarters, a monolith of a cigar store and lounge, that is luckily just 30 minutes from my frozen abode in icy northern New Jersey. I hadn’t smoked a cigar in a good three weeks because of the frigid temperatures, and wow, was I ever jonesing for a nicotine rush. As I walked by the lavish bar towards the main room, I said my hellos to the good Picture 10workers I’ve grown to know and love, then perused through the liquor store area that has one of the finest selections or cigar smoking hootch one has VATTED_COM7ever witnessed. I wanted to pick out a few bottles of the good stuff to share with my brothers this first day of 2011, and the choices were endless. Although it was some brutal decision making, I settled on a bottle of smooth and delicious Oak Cross Scotch from Compass Box Whisky, and some tasty 20 year-old port wine courtesy of the fine people at Taylor Fladgate. My buddies were in for a treat as this testosterone filled day was just getting ramped up. Into the main lounge I went while pushing several tables together as to be ready for the crew. Very shortly a collection of stogie sucking Neanderthals would be arriving as I gladly took on the role as grand poobah of this gathering of aromatic misfits. Twas a fine day for those who revel in premium tobacco.

It was now 12:30 and no one had yet showed. It was okay, I figured half of these creatures were sleeping off their New Year’s Eve binging and it was only a matter of time before they rolled in for an afternoon gathering of bullshitting and ball scratching. We are men, hear us friggin roar, god dammit.

Then it happened, the hour of 1 struck, and the test message excuses started pouring in… “I don’t feel good, I was out too late”… “I got in a big fight with my wife and I can’t go anywhere”… “I have house work to do”… My wife doesn’t want me smelling like smoke today”… “I have to watch my kids while the Mrs. shops”… “We’re going to my in-laws who I hate”… YADA, YADA, YADA! Good God in heaven, every one of my so-called pals in tobacco had stood me up! Wimps, losers, and wussbags every one of them! Their wives had forcibly removed their precious jewels and secured them on the mantle, leaving each one of these low-lifes, sackless, and me, completely on my own. Here I was at JR Cigars, the ultimate palace of unabashed manliness – alone and thoroughly dissed by my faux friends in the tobacco-sphere.

So, did I pack it in and call it an early day? HELL NO, as I opened that fine bottle of scotch and torched up the incredibly delicious EP Carillo Short Run I had just picked up in the wondrous humidor just 20 some odd feet away. Penn State and Florida were duking it out on the tube (which come to think of it, is no longer a tube) as I raised my glass of grains, with middle finger held high in honor of my idiot, one-time friends. Screw them, this was the life.

It was 20 minutes to four and last call for the bar keeps, as I took a final puff on the JR Ultimate Belicoso Cabinet Oscuro that I had nurtured for the previous hour or so. Yeah, my pretend friends had dissed me, but I didn’t care. I had just spent four hours in my happy-place and no one could ever take that away from me. No, I wasn’t blitzed as I made sure I was plenty fine to drive, but I sure as hell did smell like Santiago in the D.R. If any of you dumb-ass, whipped mo-fo’s happen to be reading, you missed a hell of a good New Year’s Day, and trust me, I smoked enough premium stoags for every last one of you!

Until next time,

Tommy Z

JR CIGARS Blog with the ZMAN


Handmade DR
Wrapper: ECSU    Binder: NIC    Filler: NIC/DR
Medium-Full Bodied

E.P. CARRILLO SHORT RUNHandmade in the Dominican Republic, these limited release cigars are the first of several small batches of unique blends being introduced by Ernesto Perez Carillo. Only 1,500 boxes of each size have been made. New blends will be released, also in limited quantities, in 2011.

This blend is comprised of rich, complex Nicaraguan and Dominican long filler tobaccos combined with a spicy Nicaraguan binder and an attractive, oily Ecuador Sumatra wrapper creating medium to full bodied, toasty flavors intermingled with hints of sweetness, cocoa, and nuts. The slow burn, solid ash, and long finish also contribute to the success of this cigar.


Handmade HON
Wrapper: ECSU/CTSH/CTBL    Binder: CTB    Filler: HON
Medium-Full Bodied

JR ULTIMATEOur world famous brand, the J·R Ultimate, is 100% handmade using only the best, aged long filler tobaccos. This cigar is every bit as good as (or better than) any ultra-premium brand on the market – bar none. It is available in a vast array of sizes, shapes, and wrappers, from light-green, fire-cured candela to darkest oscuro. J·R Ultimates serve as proof positive that you do not have to spend a fortune to smoke the very best cigars. This brand has won an unprecedented 10 grand gold medals in international competitions.

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