Oh, This Wacky World We Live In

Here’s whats going on around Planet Earth today…

Walmart Whacking
walmartNobody likes getting reprimanded at work. It makes you feel so small and insignificant, like a piece of worthless garbage. Sometimes the boss man just doesn’t see things your way and he gets on your case, over and over until you just want to beat the bastid with a bat. Well, that’s go_home_and_get_your_shine_box_poster-p228778037826316743tdcp_400exactly what happened at a Walmart in New Haven Connecticut. 29-year-old assistant manager George Freibott had just written up his slug for an employee for poor job performance and it was the second time in days that 26-year-old Barry Griffin had been read the riot act. Instead of filing for a grievance or having a nice sit down with his boss, Barry took a stroll into the sporting goods section, removed an aluminum Louiville from the shelf, and in his own special way, told the assistant manager to “Go get his shine box.”  He reportedly whacked Freibott a dozen times (who was counting?) leaving him with a broken arm and some damned nasty bruises. The young Griffin has since fled the coop and police are in search of this disgruntled, crazy son of a bitch. When I heard this, I thought it’s the kind of thing we’ve all thought of at least once in our lives, but no one really ever acts out on it. We usually just go home, bitch to our wives while our meatloaf dinner does the Lambada in our stomach. So kudos to young Barry for blaming everyone else but himself for being an inept turd, who an “eye for an eye” would be the proper dose of anger management.

This Bud’s For You…
caning-in-acehMalaysia is doing all they can to prove to the world that they are a progressive, forward thinking nation with much to offer the global community.  Take Kartika Sari Dewi Shukarno, a 32-year-old mother of two, for instance.  The Karai, Malaysian native is to be publicly caned after the Ramadan, Islamic holy month of fasting. Seems that we have a little party girl on our budweiserhands, here, as the consumption of alcohol is strictly forbidden by Malaysia’s Shariah law. Kartika was caught in a hotel raid where she was pounding a few brewzers with her buddies, and will now have her ass beat with a rattan stick, in public display. Islamic authorities claim that the purpose of the caning is not to punish, but to educate. Gosh, here in America we have things called books to do that. And get this… Kartika says that she wants to be caned because she wants to respect the law.  My God, I hope this all wasn’t over a Coors Light. Note to my blog faithful – stay clear of these third world hell holes if at all possible. I still get the heebie jeebbies thinking about the first time I saw Midnight Express.

Of All the No good Rotten, Dirty Stinkin’ Luck…

48820785If the New York Mets didn’t have horrendous luck this season, they’d have absolutely none at all. Being plagued with injuries is one thing, but basically every single starter has been hurt, leaving the Amazins with a lineup filled from top to bottom with back-ups and minor leaguers. So yesterday’s game against the Phillies proved that the Mets season was officially in the toilet when Jeff Francoeur appeared to have hit a line drive base hit up the middle in the bottom of the ninth. The Mets had runners on first and second, down by two, with no outs. The hit and mrmet-793596run was on so both base runners took off as the pitch was thrown. But Phillies second baseman, Eric Bruntlett was leaning towards the bag because he saw men stealing. Francoeur hit the ball on the screws, just nailing it as hard as any guy can hit a baseball. But wouldn’t you know it that Brunlett was in the right place at the right time – or for the Mets, the wrong place at the worst time. The Phils infielder caught the liner for the first out, stepped on second to get the runner who left the base, and then turned and tagged the Mets Daniel Murphy who was just about on second because of the hit and run. Folks, that’s known as a triple play, and it was only the 15th “unassisted” triple play in the history of Major League Baseball. “Even with the runners going I did not expect him to be there. The only place he could catch the ball was where he was,” Francoeur said. “To end the way it did was a little disheartening.” After the play, avid Mets fan and Connecticut native, Barry Griffin ran onto the field and beat Eric Bruntlett into with an aluminum bat. Griffin fled the seen and police are still in pursuit of the Walmart wielding thug.

Potty Humor Down Under

toilet_porchPunks in CAIRNS, Australia have sunken lower than the sewers that hold the city’s public poo. It appears that Krazy Glue was smeared on a toilet seat in a mall store, and unfortunately a 58 year-old man who only wanted to drop wolf bait, had his tukas attached permanently. Paramedics removed the seat, then took the man to a local hospital where doctors used an industrial strength solvent to remove the poor sap from his plastic throne. Cairns local government official Di Forsyth said the man, but was “extremely embarrassed” by his experience. “I’m disgusted that a gentlemen has had to go through that because someone thinks it’s funny,” Forsyth said. “It’s a sick joke.”

Maybe now my wife will believe that shopping for us guys really is a pain in the ass.

And, Before I go…

It’s been exactly one week since I took my tumble and I thank you guys for the support – and that especially goes for Garfiend’s goat. My neck and shoulders are really sore and it’s worse when I first wake up – but I’m not complaining since I could be dead or severely f@#ked up physically. Mentally has already been established.

But a BIG-ASS ZMAN thank you to BIG M60 for sending me one hell of a care package all the way from the left coast! The brother sent a bevy of major league smokes including Padron 1926 & 68, Aurora, and other incredible goodies. A HUGE personal thanx to our new commenter, Michael! I shall burn them with great pleasure, my friend!

That’s it for this week, my bruthas and sistas. I’m glad to say I made it thru the weekend in one piece.

Have a great week,

Tommy Z.

JR CIGAR Blog With the Zman

Looking for something?

Use the form below to search the site:

Still not finding what you're looking for? Drop a comment on a post or contact us so we can take care of it!