Sometimes I Can Be Such a Ghoul

Woman With Books StudyingThis past Friday, as I was purchasing bags of sugar-laden crapola for the local kinder, when a friend of my wife was in the candy aisle in the A&P, and said that Halloween was her favorite holiday. I looked at her (mainly because she’s a stinkin’ hot milf) and said that Halloween is NOT a holiday. Of course she begged to differ (as I wish she begged for something other than a differ), and I emphatically told her that it is NOT a recognized U.S. holiday. Then we got in an argument (as I blew any chance of scoring in the parking lot) and I acted like an indignant idiot. Yes, I realize that I am a hopeless moron, what but it runs in my gene pool and there seems to be no cure.

APNo one gets off from their place of employment on Halloween – not even gravediggers or funeral directors. The banks and post offices aren’t closed and even friggin union people have to work. So she gets all snippy (god, she is so freakin’ hot when she’s snippy) and claims that on Wikipedia it refers to Halloween as a holiday. (She tussles her head around in semi-circles as her hair gets all messy in her face and it really gets to me. But I had an argument to win, so I had to concentrate on something other than her most extreme bodacious cougarness.)

group_inside“Listen to me,” I said in my authoritative I’m a goddamned writer and I know this kind of shit’ voice, “If unions don’t get off from work, then it ain’t a holiday. A holiday means schools are closed, and you usually are required to drink beer and barbeque something.”

“Why are you getting all mad,” she asked, as she was more clearly more agitated than I was, and that was driving me wacky as my feeble brain started creating scenarios of her trick or treating in a French maid outfit and me as the demented butler.

“I’m not mad,” (yes I was) “I just keep hearing people refer to this as a holiday. A holiday is where you observe something. What do you observe on Halloween… monsters, dead people, and goddamned ghosts?”

Ms. Hottie friend just let out a disgruntled sounding “harrumph!,” said “bye” and went to another register that just opened. Wow, I am a first-class bonehead. First off, I’m married and shouldn’t be hitting on my wife’s friends. Well, I wasn’t really hitting on her – only in my mind – but according to a woman, that seems to count. Secondly, she’s really a super nice gal and I was kind of rude. And third, she’s got a huge rack and that should actually supersede anything and everything. But my rock-headed Polack ego got in the way, ruining any chance of a trick or treat rendezvous (there I go again and I don’t think that even God or counseling can help.)

So the moment I get home, I race to the computer and head to Wikipedia. It’s say that…

Halloween (also spelled Hallowe’en) is an annual holiday celebrated on October 31. It has roots in the CelticSamhain and the Christian holy day of All Saints, but is today largely a secular celebration. festival of

Halloween activities include trick-or-treating, wearing costumes and attending costume parties, carving jack-o’-lanterns, ghost tours, bonfires, visiting haunted attractions, pranks, telling scary stories, and watching horror films.

Then I looked up the word ‘holiday,’ and that said…

Official or unofficial observances of religious, national, or cultural significance, often accompanied by celebrations or festivities.

Hmmm… Official or ‘unofficial’ observances. Wow… maybe I was out of line the way I acted to my wife’s friend (no, not the part where I pictured her in a leather cat suit), I mean being all argumentative and stuff. Okay, I started feeling pretty bad, I mean any one that nice (don’t forget the rack) should receive a real apology. So I called up her house and her husband answered. I was like, “Hey Bill, how are you doing?”

“Good, Z, my wife said you were a total asshole in the A&P before,” he said without missing a beat.

“Yes I was,” I admitted, but didn’t let on to the cat suit, thingy. “Is she there, I called to apologize.”

“Apologize?! What the hell for?” he blurted out! “Once you do that, you show weakness, and once a lioness smells weakness she’ll go in for the kill. Tommy, I actually agreed with YOU and now she’s not talking to me!”

Whoa, the lioness going in for the kill. The brain started conjuring those images again, but I guess that was kind of disrespectful with her husband on the other end of the phone, don’t you think? … Nah.

Z“Damn, Billy, I’m sorry, bro. Didn’t mean to cause this kind of an ordeal,” (other than violate the woman you are married to, but remember, it’s only in my mind.)

“Forget it Zman, that woman will always find something to be mad about.” he assured me. “How about you come over and we’ll smoke some cigars I just picked up at JR and we’ll kill a bottle of 18 year old scotch.”

“Awesome Bro,” I said in my excited, ‘I’m gonna smoke a cigar and get hammered’ voice. “But I have to ask… is your wife gonna be there?”

“NO, thank God! She’s out until later.

“Damn… um, I mean, damn straight!”


The CIGARS We Smoked…Troya Classico Robustos. Just phenomenal and I can’t get enough of them!

Handmade NIC
Wrapper: NIC    Binder: NIC    Filler: NIC
Full Bodied

TROYA - NICARAGUANThese Cuban-style Nicaraguan puros are expertly blended by José Pepin Garcia using only perfectly aged 100% Cuban seed tobaccos grown in the Jalapa Valley, genuine Corojo binders and dark, oily Corojo oscuro wrappers. The result is a spicy, robust and complex smoke with hints of earthy sweetness- all the while maintaining the smooth, balanced and satisfying taste that Troya cigars are known for.


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