Tough Day on Campus

school-bus-7948471Not too long ago my wife and I were waiting for the bus to take my daughter to first grade. She was scared shitless and when the bus came she cried hysterically as I picked her up and put her on the bus steps, telling the driver to go. It was as tough on us as it was on her. She was only a little kid and thought it was the end of the world. I remember it very clearly like it was only a year ago or so.

belushicollegeYesterday, I brought my daughter to college. You know what, it kind of felt like first grade all over again. Yeah, she’s 18, but she’s never been away from home before and I didn’t expect her to be as sad as she was. The goofiest part is that she’s only 35 minutes away from home. But I guess when you’re used to waking up in your own comfy bed each day and seeing the ones you love, it is quite the shock. But we all moved out from home and we all made it. I guess try telling that to a grief stricken kid who only a couple of months ago she was marching in a cap and gown on a beautiful sunny day in northern New Jersey. It was all excitement, then – the thought of college and having your own room and being on your own.

pledgelineYesterday was an incredibly surreal day for a parent. I know that some of you have been thru this and some haven’t, and it is surreal, I can tell you that. Packing the car, driving there, waiting online to unload your bevy of stuff is just all a weird deal. We pulled our cars up to the dorm and a couple of strapping young lads greeted us with big orange laundry type bins. (I was more than glad to see that  Bluto, Pinto, and Founder were not in attendance.) They were all cheery and decked in their ra-ra college colors, all eager to help us move in. That was nice.

image_previewIt happened to be a gorgeous sunny day, temps in the mid-80’s, and that certainly helped the experience. The distinct smell of charred cow carcass was everywhere, as cooks manned several barbecue stations, wafting viscous burger smoke throughout the busy campus air. Mmmmm…bbq’d buuuuuurgers … God I’m such a peckehead and wanted to wolf down a few patties to give me the strength I needed to carry out my fatherly duties. But no, I held steadfast and continued to load the bins. My daughter and son then went to her room while my wife and I brought our cars to the main parking lot. Walking back I had to pass the god damned burger station again and used every ounce of will power I could muster to hold off on partaking. Do you have any idea how hard that was for a pungent slob like me? But I was on a mission and the good Lord guided me through the challenge.

So we got to her suite – three rooms, six girls, and all the families in there at once. It was a thousand degrees as we unloaded, set up, and created the new weekly home for my kid. Where’s the Ethernet cables and the tv jacks? Did you remember batteries? Who wants to set up the cube shelving? What wall should the posters go on? Tough decisions to be made on the fly, but we kicked ass and got ‘er done.

Okay, yes there were an incredibly amount of beautiful 18 year-old girls in shorts, everywhere you looked. It’s annoying for a dad who has a kid that age and I smack myself continuously, but some of these young ladies are stunning and look a good five years older than they really are. There was this one tall chick in a yellow top with flowing black hair and… ah, forget it. My wife and daughter will kill me, so what’s the use.

…But did I happen to mention the hot moms?

milfOh my good lord above, the milfage was beyond comprehension. Gorgeous mommies permeated the campus grounds and only my dark sunglasses saved me from getting my ass kicked all the live-long day. Okay, so I’m there to help my daughter, but hey, I’m a guy first and foremost – a  disgustingly horny, cougar-crazed moron, who has a penchant for the elder gals with a bit of mileage on the chassis. There was this one sexy as-all-hell red head with rack and pinion headlights that I’m pretty sure knew I was leering at her during the assembly that welcomed the freshmen class. I think when she crushed her Poland Spring bottle in my eye and called me a dirtbag, I knew that I was being a bit obvious. But man, what a rear bumper on that broad as she walked away all indignant and stuff. Come on, feel sorry for me. I was born with this affliction and I can’t help my actions.

Finally we got to hit the food station and most of the good stuff was devoured. The pulled chicken was all gone, and after that redhead, I damn near choked my own. (I know, I’m a hopeless ass. God pity my decrepit soul, please.) I wolfed a couple of cheeseburgers like a, well, like a wolf. There were no more sodies or none of them big cookies left that I had passed several hours earlier and that sucked a whole lot. But somehow I managed to get through the difficulty and threw down a couple of burnt dogs for good measure. I can really think on my feet like that.

Well, to make a long story even longer, it was five o’clock and time to say good-bye. Holy crap, that was hard. My poor kid was a nervous wreck and hadn’t eaten a thing all day. I was glad that her and her new pals were heading off to the cafeteria for some dinner. Just like the nine hundred other families that were leaving their kiddiess to fend for themselves, we hugged, we kissed, fought back the tears and left.

I stuck my baby on those bus steps and told the driver to close the door once more.

I felt really weird as I peered into her room this morning. I know she’s very close to home, and we’ll even see her this whole Labor day weekend fer crissakes. But she is my baby, and no matter how old they get, you’ll never stop being a daddy.

Thanx for listening. I needed to get it off my chest. So does that redhead, by the way.

Later my fellow peeps,
Tommy Z.
JR Cigar Blog With the Zman

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