Zero the Gutless Hero

For those of you who have sided with Steven Slater, the Jet Blue employee who went bonkers last week over an “alleged” unruly passenger – then all I can say is that you are truly every bit as big a moronic ass as he is.

NYPfront081010For the past week, Slater, the 20-year career flight attendant has been called a hero by many, is a man who stood up for his convictions and told his employer to take this job and shove it. In the 1976 film, Network, Peter Finch’s character, newscaster Howard Beale told the world that he was “sick and tired, and not going to take it anymore!” In the 2010 reality re-make, Slater was supposedly bonked on the noggin with intent by an unruly passenger. He grabbed the mic and admonished the customer with a tirade of obscenities, then activated the plane’s emergency inflatable chute, then slid down and fled the runway in what I personally would have to term a “self-absorbed hissy-fit.”

55474034“Free Steven… Steven’s a hero,” were the cries of the American public, as online polls showed that 80% were in approval of his actions. This number is very telling to me as it proves beyond shadow of a doubt that 80% of the world is messed in the head and needs to take a good hard look within as their morals, principals, beliefs, and general mental faculties have seriously taken the last goddamned train to f@#king Clarksville.A380chutes

Yes, it is in the opinion of this cigar blogger, a simple son of Polish / Italian decent, that if you think Steven Slater is a hero, then YOU are part of the problem with this world gone awry. But if you side with me, believing that he is indeed himself the unruly turd who should be permanently flushed from the corporate world, then please cut and light your cigar and take a seat next to me in the land of the most smoky and righteous.

The Wall Street Journal reports that Jet Blue’s chief operating officer Rob Maruster has labeled Slater’s actions “unacceptable” and “still questionable”. Hey Rob, can we add cowardly and brutally selfish to the list?

jacketAlmost a week removed from the incident, other airline passengers who were witness to this little boy’s tirade are now saying that it was Slater who was the aggressor and has propagated one hell of a little white lie. Queens District Attorney Richard Brown has bitch slapped Stevie with acts of criminal mischief, reckless endangerment and trespassing. He remains free on $2,500 bail and if convicted, Slater could face up to seven years in the pokey – a place I’m sure he would find a bit more distasteful than the confines of a Boeing 737. Another fact to note is that the emergency exit chute that was deployed by Slater opens up with a ferocity of 3,000 pounds of pressure and if an airline employee would have been struck by the evacuation slide, we might just be looking at a case of reckless homicide. Maruster, in a written memo to his airline employees says, “Intentionally arming and deploying an evacuation slide for anything other than the express purpose of protecting the safety of our Crew and Customers is unacceptable. It will not, and can not, be tolerated.”

It is now circulating around the internet that our airline lunatic is being offered a reality show gig as a host to showing people how to quit their jobs. This in itself is a condemnation of the American public mindset, as an unprofessional punk with zero decorum is rewarded for his childish and deplorable actions. While many have applauded this tard for his so-called stints of bravery and heroics, I dare a single one of his newfound fans to have the cojones to pull the same kind of stunt at their place of employment. You notice that there were no copycat incidents reported in the news? And you wanna know why? Because what Steven Slater did was wrong – dead wrong, and while many of us at one time or another have wanted to deploy the emergency exit in life, we don’t – we don’t because we are well aware that it is something that won’t bode well on our remaining lifetime resumes.

In closing, I can only wish that our disgruntled faux-hero for web weenies everywhere would be forced into therapy with Full Metal Jacket drill instructor Lee Emery.

“You know what makes me sad, Slater ? YOU DO! Maybe we should chug on over to mamby-pamby land, where maybe we can find some self-confidence for you, ya jack wagon!”

Steve, your 15 minutes of fame is almost up. Good luck on that job search, buddy.

At ease, gentlemen. Dismissed.

- Tommy Z.

JR Cigars Blog with the Zman

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